Must I Live In Toy Bondage?

My household motto.

Help!

That's it...the toys must go!  Feeling a melt down coming on after finding myself bent over (yet again) picking up broken plastic things, beads, doll clothes, paper and an endless supply of junk on the floor.  Have you ever found yourselves just sort of brainlessly going through your day, as if someone pushed the auto-pilot button?  Picking up dirty socks (for the fourth time that day), moving the pile of multiple pairs of muddy shoes by the door, sweeping  the crushed pretzels that some little person covertly grabbed out of the cabinet, flushing the poo in the toilet that had been there WAY too long...Or like today, finding a whole rotting squash at the bottom of my babies toy basket...ugh!...and the list goes on.  Some days you do it all without comment because it's just, well... easier.  While other days you become the crazed mommy dearest shouting orders at EVERYONE.

Why can't the days be more consistent?

You would think that as a mom of five for over ten years that I would have found the magic formula for keeping a house clean.  Oh how I've wished that people could just drop by unannounced and I not feel a tinge of guilt or apologetic.  My husband and I are tidy people by nature and before we had FIVE little blessings neither one of us had to pick up after anyone.  THEN came child one...mess not so bad, child two...mess a little more but still manageable, child three...hmmm, child four...Lord Help! and now five...INTERVENTION!

We've also added almost triple the square footage since the first child plus two flights of stairs!  In the past, I've tried everything from chore charts...organizational bins/baskets, book shelves, payment (a.k.a. white collar bribery...which actually works great for older kids...not so much the younger ones), threats, or making my older daughter (who is pretty organized) a semi-slave at times.  I've done Fly Lady, read books, watched experienced moms, kept records, set timers and the list goes on.  All methods have merit and actually work...temporarily.  However, life interruptions always seem to get the upper hand and before I know it it's back to tripping over things... and HEY who pushed that auto-pilot button again... OR my favorite, the loose cannon mommy syndrome.  I really have to quit the cycle!  Perhaps there's an AA group for this.

Keep in mind we really do not have a lot of toys, but with many children one toy per child can add up.  So, we probably have as much as any two-child home there are just more hands to make messes with them.  However, I've often wondered what it would be like if we had virtually NO toys.  I'd keep the nice wooden ones and things WITHOUT batteries.  Perhaps a few dolls...but toss the rest, including the many nasty stuffed animals.  I have a routine of thinning several times a year, but what about just pitching it all?  Drastic, but it's almost euphoric to think about!

Here's a cool blog article...from a fellow mom of five who I can seriously relate to.  While it's difficult to say good-bye to the stuff...if it makes MY life simpler and more even keeled, then it's totally worth it.  I may wait until the kiddos are out of the house in order to avoid the desperate cries for the armless/Frankenstein hair-do doll never played with (probably because it's too creepy).  Might even want to do this eventually with clothes and shoes too...like issuing each child one pair of shoes per day while locking up the others.  Military style, like it!

We'll see.  Hopefully, I can report later the bliss of living in my REGULARLY clean home.  :)

http://www.memoriesoncloverlane.com/2012/01/friday-q.html

FRIDAY, JANUARY 13, 2012

Friday Q & A

We moved last year from a tiny to a much larger house and are used to not having a ton of stuff...but I am by nature a saver. I have been getting rid of stuff left and right and you know what? It hasn't made a bit of difference!!!!! Why do I always have clutter? Why are toys taking over my home? I put away and pick up all day long and still, there is constant clutter. You have 4 boys. Did your boys attack/destroy/dismantle things? It seems that my boys don't "play" with toys as much as they break them apart/dump them out and then move on. How do I teach them NOT to do this....or is it just the boy-type way and I am doomed to endure it? When your kids were little (preschool/toddler age) what was always out for them vs. what did you keep put away? I struggle with how much do I leave out for them. Whatever is left out just gets dumped. Grrrr. There's a picture you have of your living room with toys all over the place. My house looks like that all the time. Help :((   

First, I have to say, the weeks after Christmas I totally feel like this too.  TOO much stuff.  In fact, I have already put away some things ('hid' them if you will) to get out much later. 

I just read an excellent book called Simplicity Parenting: Using the Extraordinary Power of Less to Raise Calmer, Happier, and More Secure Kids. It is written by Kim John Payne, a family therapist, who does ONE thing first when he is helping a child.  He goes into the home, into their rooms, or play spaces, and with the parents, does a complete overhaul-getting rid of most of the clutter and stuff.  They pack up some things for the attic, get rid of broken and what he calls "fixed toys" - toys that can only be played with as they are-no imagination needed, usually molded plastic that is easily broken-complete with batteries and lights most likely. The serenity that follows when kids feel more in order outside-which of course becomes inside-is the starting point.

Here's my thoughts:

The less stuff the easier to organize, the easier for the child to clean up him/her self, the MORE play that goes on, the less destruction.  I have found this to be 100% true.  In fact, after Christmas, when my living room was a jumble of toys and mess, I could see Patrick's behavior eroding and I knew what it was.  TOO many choices, no organization-he would flit from one thing to another, never putting things away, dumping things, and just seem agitated.  And hey-I felt the same way!  I have also found that the way WE treat the space-respectful and worth of neatness and organization-will be the example the kids need in how THEY treat the space-and their toys.

I have a funny childhood memory about that.  We had a huge sledding hill at the top of our driveway.  It kept us busy all winter long and usually Santa would bring one of us a new sled every year.  On the top of our street we had a "bad boy" who would sometimes come sledding with friends-other "bad boys" of course.  They would never wear hats and gloves or coats-something that horrify us-and get this-are you ready???  They would KICK their sleds up the hill instead of pulling them up or carrying them up. That, in our eyes, made them even worse than just "bad boys".  I think one of us might have copied that behavior once, because I remember getting a very strong message from either my mom or dad that this was NOT acceptable-that we would not ever be allowed to treat our play things-something that was payed for with hard earned cash or given as a gift-with disrespect and irreverence.  It was never acceptable in our house to not take care of our things.

SO-I send my children the same strong message.  Of course my kids have not been perfect, but when I see something being thrown or played with for the sole purpose of destruction or just dumped for the sake of dumping, I am absolutely all over that behavior and I don't hesitate to send them on one big guilt trip for it (which is usually effective), or to take things away if needed.  I don't think destroying or ruining or breaking toys is a "boy thing" and I would not tolerate it.  (This is different from just the way boys play with super heroes in heated battles, or build towers of blocks to knock over.)  It might take awhile to get the message but once you send it loud and clear, I bet that behavior will improve.

But more than anything-I think the simpler things are kept, the less toys (choices!) they have, the more organized those things are, most of that behavior will naturally eliminate itself.  Be ruthless.  I think you will find that if you take out 80% of the stuff (not when they are around!) to hide away or throw away or give away, and keep the "good stuff" you (and they!) will find what you are looking for.  When I did this at Christmas, honestly, I saw the sense of relief in Patrick's little face and a calmness in his whole being.  And when I have done this with my older kids-helped them with their rooms or closets, they LOVE it.  Truly, kids have an inner need for peace and calm and simplicity.

What to keep?

Less is more.  Just keep repeating that to yourself.  Start with a few toys, honestly, and then add things here and there till you feel it is has the max in terms of manageability for you and your children, clean up wise.

Right now in my family room, I have 2 baskets of Duplos, 1 basket of blocks, our Fisher Price vintage stuff, a few balls, maybe 3 games (for Patrick's age-the older kids games are kept up in a cabinet or in drawers in the dining room), 2 or 3 puzzles, Magna Blocks, big zoo animals, a few "hero" guys, a wooden train set and some metal cars/tractor.  In our TV cabinet I have a marble set, and a plastic train set, and a car track.  He also has a Buzz toy and rocket ship (definitely those "fixed" toys) that he got for Christmas that he is actively playing with right now. The rest of his stuff his up under his bed in a roll away container or in the toy cabinet which is upstairs.  Sometimes we will take things out of there, but usually-out of site, out of mind.  Now when the days get long, I will switch things around and pull some things out of the toy cabinet-BUT put some things back in also.  Sometimes I think little ones need to be "shown" some new ideas to get started-building the zoo animals cages with the Magna Blocks, building tunnels for the trains with the Duplos-that sort of thing.  That usually starts them off with some ideas and they take it from there.

We (sometimes just ME-I'll be honest) try to pick up at the end of the day, or maybe I'll do a quick straighten in the morning.  But there are some days for sure (you have seen photos!) that I don't get to this, and my living room begins to look messy with toys not put away.